Healing Words

The day I learned of my son's decision to enlist was the day the bottom fell out for me as a mother. After years of being the “decider,” all seemed lost. The next weeks were filled with dread of the future, like waiting for a funeral. I felt not a scrap of joy. The fear of what could happen to my son nearly crippled me as his parent. If screaming and crying could have prevented him from going, he’d be with me still.

Graduation came and went. I planned a celebration though my heart was absolutely, utterly broken. Next I planned a farewell gathering, going through the motions of letting go. The ties that bind were being crudely severed, inflicting the worst pain I had ever experienced as a mother. A verse of scripture haunted me: “In Rama was there a voice heard, lamentation and weeping, and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children and would not be comforted because they are not.” (Matt. 2:18) There was no consoling me.

April 29

April 29 marks a day in the life of this mom that I keep in my mind's eye, tucked away for safe keeping. It was just two years that my oldest son departed for the Air Force. April 29, 2010. It had been marked on the calendar for months, staring at me. As a parent, you fear the unknown, but in this case, I already knew the torrent of emotions coming for me. I had been through this before.

When Tyler joined the Army two years prior to Tim's departure, I fell almost completely to pieces. Okay, completely to pieces. At one point, I was sitting inside my closet, crying to my sister on the phone. Fear of the unknown, loss of parental dreams, and probably shock, consumed me completely.

Tim's case was a little bit different. He was older when he enlisted. Having gone to college and graduated the year before, I felt a little better. He had been sheltered at college, but he was not a baby in my eyes. I felt he was more ready to go. Whether I was right or wrong, I have no clue. I can only say what I felt. 

We always say that Tim needed more prodding to get going as a child. When he got on the bus for kindergarten, he was hesitant. We had to nudge him forward and say, with a huge, fake smile pasted on, "Go on honey. You'll be fine." When Tyler got on the same kindergarten bus three years later, he didn't even so much as look over his shoulder at us. He flipped his hand in the air, like he was saying "Later, guys! You'll be fine." We went in the house and cried.

It should have surprised no one that Tyler went first to the military. Tim always checked things out thoroughly before taking action, really testing the waters. Tim waited politely to be lifted out of his crib. He hesitated before hopping on that bus. He weighed the military and the branches strongly before he went.

Tyler climbed out of his crib, again and again. We couldn't contain Tyler as a toddler. He climbed on the windowsills. As a teenager, he climbed out the windows. He jumped off the roof. It's a wonder any of us survived his childhood.

Tim eased us into parenting, in many ways. He gave us a chance to catch our breath I think. Funny the things that come to mind, years down the road.

So, when Tim left for the Air Force, it was knowing some of what lay ahead. For us, we knew how it would feel to watch him swear in, to say good bye for what seems like an eternity, and the joy of seeing him again. Our fear was perhaps less because we knew more. (Tim, call your brother, and thank him...)

I'll fast forward for you now. Today, Tim is serving as part of Tops in Blue, a group within the Air Force that provides entertainment and encouragement to military members (and families) world wide. If you'd like a closer look at Tops in Blue, visit Tim's website:  Tim Sentz. 

Some of the Tops in Blue Crew! My son, Tim, is on the very right in the photo.

"In God We Trust Day"

I felt like this was important enough to add a second post today. April 22 is also known as "In God We Trust Day." (Non believers stop reading now... stop back tomorrow) Today is one of those days that makes me know God is everywhere -- and right here with me -- all at the same time. What some call coincidence, I know is the voice of God, whispering to me...

Yesterday, I was thinking of a friend who passed away several years ago. Today in church, the choir sang a song that was also sung at her funeral. It is one I find especially comforting, yet unsettling, all at the same time. Does that make sense? The song, "You are Mine," was written by David Haas. 

I don't think it is any coincidence that I think of my wise friend, hear that particular song and it just happens to be "In God We Trust Day." If there is anything that I have learned as the mom of military boys, you have to trust in God or you just might lose your mind with worry. Having children who have stepped up to the challenge of defending and protecting is daunting. I'm sure I speak for many of us when I say it is a feeling of complete loss of control and power over the course of life events. Being a bit of a control freak, that is hard.

So... for all of you (and me) who need it, here is a link to a beautiful, beautiful song. 

"You Are Mine"

If you don't get to this post on the exact date of "In God We Trust Day," that's okay too. You can trust Him every day, not just April 22. He'll be there waiting for you whenever you need Him.

April, Month of the Military Child

A glance at the calendar the other day revealed that April is set aside as the Month of the Military Child. This month was set aside to honor the youngest patriots among us. These tiny heroes get less recognition, and their sacrifice is tremendous and life altering. In 1986 Defense Secretary Casper Weinberger set April aside as a month to recognize children of military parents.

My father served in the Air Force long before I was born, as my husband served before our children were born. I grew up in a family where my mother was a full time homemaker and my father worked a regular 8-hour day in the local steel plant. Our life was blessedly ordinary, as was the childhood of my own children. 

There is no greater sacrifice to the nation than military service. When that sacrifice is borne by an adult, it’s daunting.  As a mom to a soldier, these past few years have been tumultuous. The uncertainty, the wondering, the fear of the unknown – all are excruciating for a parent. It has seemed like a very long haul since my son enlisted. As the months of his service wind down, I am eager for his time to end and have him return home. I’m a grown up. I’m able to understand the concepts of time and waiting. I truly cannot imagine how difficult it must be for a child to watch a soldier parent deploy.

The challenges faced by children of service men and women are many: transient life moving from base to base, even country to country. Consider the irregularity of schedules and the not knowing when or if their parent will be taken away for months, years, or possibly forever. That would be a heavy load for a grownup, but for a child, an unbelievable burden to bear.

If you are interested in learning more about the Month of the Military Child, a few links follow:

http://homefrontunited.com/2012/04/month-of-the-military-child-giving-thanks/

http://www.thepilot.com/news/2012/apr/11/purple-up-for-month-of-military-child/

Not to be forgotten are the non military spouse. It is a heavy burden for the spouse of the soldier who must remain and care for the family, keeping life intact, making it seem ordinary. It seems a daunting challenge to me, and few can probably fathom the struggles and the hardships faced by military families.

If you have the opportunity to do something kind for a military child, please take that opportunity. While they have not pledged their service to the country, their sacrifice is huge and not to be dismissed. Perhaps it is the military child who gives more than any of us.